This metaphor works because it honors the skill without romanticizing the cost. Being reliable is not the same as being resourced, and the distinction is drawn with care
This metaphor is brilliant, and it landed because it names something many of us were rewarded for before we were ever asked whether we consented to it. Being “good at holding” becomes a role long before it becomes a choice — and usefulness quietly replaces mutuality. And I especially love how you didn’t frame this as a boundary failure, but as a learned adaptation with a cost. That distinction matters. At least it matters to me.
“You don’t stop being capable. You stop being endless.” — that line stayed with me.
Thank you for naming a dynamic that’s often praised instead of examined.
Hi Birgit -- Thank you so much. I’m really glad it landed with clarity and was received in the spirit I was hoping for! I appreciate the generosity and care in how you read it, and and also, it feels like you were relating... 💛
This landed deeply. The metaphor is so accessible, but what you trace underneath it is painfully precise. That quiet slide from being someone in relationship to becoming a container with a job felt uncomfortably familiar. Especially the way usefulness can masquerade as connection, and how early learning gets rewarded until it costs too much.
What I really appreciate is how you hold complexity here. You don’t villainise the people who offload, or the ones who learn to contain. You show how adaptive this role once was, and how costly it becomes when reciprocity disappears. The distinction you draw between being helpful and being known feels like one many of us arrive at late, and often with grief.
This is such a humane piece. Clear, compassionate, and quietly challenging. Thank you for naming something so many people live inside without language for.
I always appreciate the insight you bring in your comments. Thank you for reading, and for seeing the writing the way I hoped it would land.
This relational pattern is one so many people recognize, and I’m always looking for ways to make it more knowable. I’m a sucker for a good metaphor, especially when it’s common and accessible —like Tupperware.
Brilliant piece!!!!
Although I will never look at Tupperware the same again or any other food storage container, lol!!!! Is Rubbermaid OK? Oh no, I am in trouble....
Haha!! Hilarious! Thanks for reading, Ken. I appreciate the humor. And I’m not sure I’ll look at Tupperware the same either.😂
Tupperware. I used to joke that I carry a Trauma Bag for people's trauma.
Problem is, it's so easy to put it in there, they don't get to deal with it themselves.
Definitely! We have to be careful what we put in there.
This metaphor works because it honors the skill without romanticizing the cost. Being reliable is not the same as being resourced, and the distinction is drawn with care
Thanks for reading, Nicole. And taking the time to comment! I always appreciate feedback on what landed and what might not feel real or genuine.
This metaphor is brilliant, and it landed because it names something many of us were rewarded for before we were ever asked whether we consented to it. Being “good at holding” becomes a role long before it becomes a choice — and usefulness quietly replaces mutuality. And I especially love how you didn’t frame this as a boundary failure, but as a learned adaptation with a cost. That distinction matters. At least it matters to me.
“You don’t stop being capable. You stop being endless.” — that line stayed with me.
Thank you for naming a dynamic that’s often praised instead of examined.
Hi Birgit -- Thank you so much. I’m really glad it landed with clarity and was received in the spirit I was hoping for! I appreciate the generosity and care in how you read it, and and also, it feels like you were relating... 💛
Lately, I feel more like that cheap, knock-off Tupperware you get in dollar stores. The stuff that cracks the first time you try to open it.
Oh no! Not the cheap stuff that cracks the first time you use it.
I’m afraid so. You can even see the sticky tape repair job.
"The work isn’t to abandon your ability to hold, but to choose when and for whom you do it." - Yes.
Thank you for this wonderful and insightful piece!
Tupperware… you just never know where inspiration will strike!Lol. As always, thanks for reading, Manuela! 💛
walking togeather
This landed deeply. The metaphor is so accessible, but what you trace underneath it is painfully precise. That quiet slide from being someone in relationship to becoming a container with a job felt uncomfortably familiar. Especially the way usefulness can masquerade as connection, and how early learning gets rewarded until it costs too much.
What I really appreciate is how you hold complexity here. You don’t villainise the people who offload, or the ones who learn to contain. You show how adaptive this role once was, and how costly it becomes when reciprocity disappears. The distinction you draw between being helpful and being known feels like one many of us arrive at late, and often with grief.
This is such a humane piece. Clear, compassionate, and quietly challenging. Thank you for naming something so many people live inside without language for.
I always appreciate the insight you bring in your comments. Thank you for reading, and for seeing the writing the way I hoped it would land.
This relational pattern is one so many people recognize, and I’m always looking for ways to make it more knowable. I’m a sucker for a good metaphor, especially when it’s common and accessible —like Tupperware.
Thank you! 💛
Good advice! No one needs shattering or cuts.