Love this exploration of range as a feautre, not a bug. The gap between how we feel internally versus how we show up is where a lot of the self-judgment lives, but framing that variability as adaptability rather than inconsistency shifts everything. I've seen the same thing happenning in how I navigate different contexts lately, and realizing it's just flexibility took alot of pressure off.
Honestly noticing. I dont think we ever fully arrive. Ahhh, my reflection is eye opening as I age to see the physical changes, like needing glasses, "age spots", "wisdom" lines, and skin tags (what's the point of those??). I can see my past life path clearer now than I have and maybe it is due to my parents passing away withiin the last 5 years and knowing that I am next in line. Or maybe getting let go without cause from my "steady" job. Maybe it's just life and I can reflect back, lightly, compassionately. Thanks for this thought provoking post.
Hi Ken -- I appreciate you sharing how this process is unfolding for you. I think it's part of getting older and that reflection is natural in this phase. I mean, I could cite developmental theory that says this too, but I think on a human level our brains quiet and we are able to think about things in a way we weren't at a younger, more consumed age. But who knows if I know what I'm even saying! haha! And yes, I hear you about the odd things that happen with physical aging. Like, why does my right hand have age spots but my left doesn't?
This really resonates. There’s something strangely tender about noticing your reflection change while realising you’re still you — just with more layers, more history. I love the idea that we never fully arrive, that what shifts isn’t our essence so much as how we understand and inhabit it. The part about variability being range rather than a flaw felt especially true with age — less pressure to perform, more permission to be as you are on a given day. And the Rilke quote… I’ve carried that with me for years too. Living the questions feels like such an honest way to think about aging: not tightening into certainty, but softening into complexity. Thank you for naming this so gently.
I always appreciate you popping in here to add your wisdom to the gibberish people let me publish on here! 😉
And I agree totally, as we get older there is just so much less pressure for so many things, including performing some version of ourselves we think others want. Ahhh, I love that you've carried this quote or so many years! When I was thinking about writing this all down, the "live the question" came to mind and I was like, yeah, that seems to fit. So I am happy it made sense to someone else!
This is really beautiful. What I hear in it isn’t loss, but arrival of a gentler kind — the kind that comes with aging not seeing as what we no longer have but the opportunities. The mirror changes, yes, but so does the permission: to be quieter inside, more honest outside, less managed, less afraid.
There’s something deeply reassuring in the way you frame becoming as lifelong — not a failure to settle, but a sign of being alive and awake. Aging here doesn’t look like as narrowing. Thank you for writing it ✨
Thank you for reading, Andrew — I appreciate hearing that this one landed for you. Sometimes I feel like I am just stringing words together that make no sense, so this is validating! 💛 And you stating, “less afraid” — this is the part of my life where I feel I am the least afraid, and it’s wonderful!
I have many thoughts about this as my process over time is to become more comfortable with myself and openly authentic. What I think matters. My preferences matter. Like all of us, I still have self doubts--yet I am more confident in myself when that confidence is earned and warranted.
It has been a journey to get here. I am not sure about all of the factors that contribute to being more at peace with yourself, but I don't think it is simply aging. Not everyone shares the same process or "gets here". Rather, it is what you DO while you age that matters. It takes work, I think.
And, on a side note, I wish they didn't call them age spots. There must be a better term. :)
I agree. I think a lot of people don’t realize they can do things. That’s the crux of it. They attach themselves to labels about who they are, and those labels become settled issues. The idea that we can ask questions and sit in a place where we don’t rely on anchoring traits is really what this is about.
As we move through different phases of life, we change. The things around us change, so what’s reflected back to us changes too. Not in some monumental way, or as if we become entirely new people, but hopefully in a way that allows more authenticity to show up. We become more comfortable in our own skin.
There are so many people who don’t even know this is something they can have. And sitting with questions is sometimes the best we have for a particular period of life.
That Rilke quote " live along some distant day into the answer" is something I used with my clients. I hope I still have a distant day to live along into. I think my blessing has been to care less about what the answers are and more about learning to just be here now. Thank you for the reminder.
It's nice to be at a stage where learning to just be here is more important that answers. Thank you for sharing, reading and commenting! What a wonderful quote to use with your clients. Sometimes I forget about the impactful little bit and pieces I might have shared with clients over the years, so it's nice when those reminders come back to us!
Hey Ordinary Therapist
Your post has just inspired me to a poem I’ll put some lines in as as I think its format will change trying to get it to you here
The Beautiful One in the Mirror
—
I’m older now.
Still beautiful.
—
My skin freckled by sun and soft wrinkle,
changing little by little
as time takes its path.
—
And the mirror —
the mirror shows me
this great love.
—
Great love for the one looking back.
Great love for the hair,
the stare.
—
Great love for the way time lives in me —
that sexy, cool kid,
just older.
—
Oh, if I could lean in
and kiss you,
hold you,
take you out for a drink —
I might.
—
Relax.
I’m teasing.
Mostly.
—
I know this much:
you like me.
We’ve got chemistry.
You and me, in the mirror.
This is so great, Andrew! Thank you for sharing it with me… I especially love the last bit. 🥰
I’m working on it now going to post it up in an hour all the best 🧡
Love this exploration of range as a feautre, not a bug. The gap between how we feel internally versus how we show up is where a lot of the self-judgment lives, but framing that variability as adaptability rather than inconsistency shifts everything. I've seen the same thing happenning in how I navigate different contexts lately, and realizing it's just flexibility took alot of pressure off.
Honestly noticing. I dont think we ever fully arrive. Ahhh, my reflection is eye opening as I age to see the physical changes, like needing glasses, "age spots", "wisdom" lines, and skin tags (what's the point of those??). I can see my past life path clearer now than I have and maybe it is due to my parents passing away withiin the last 5 years and knowing that I am next in line. Or maybe getting let go without cause from my "steady" job. Maybe it's just life and I can reflect back, lightly, compassionately. Thanks for this thought provoking post.
Hi Ken -- I appreciate you sharing how this process is unfolding for you. I think it's part of getting older and that reflection is natural in this phase. I mean, I could cite developmental theory that says this too, but I think on a human level our brains quiet and we are able to think about things in a way we weren't at a younger, more consumed age. But who knows if I know what I'm even saying! haha! And yes, I hear you about the odd things that happen with physical aging. Like, why does my right hand have age spots but my left doesn't?
This really resonates. There’s something strangely tender about noticing your reflection change while realising you’re still you — just with more layers, more history. I love the idea that we never fully arrive, that what shifts isn’t our essence so much as how we understand and inhabit it. The part about variability being range rather than a flaw felt especially true with age — less pressure to perform, more permission to be as you are on a given day. And the Rilke quote… I’ve carried that with me for years too. Living the questions feels like such an honest way to think about aging: not tightening into certainty, but softening into complexity. Thank you for naming this so gently.
I always appreciate you popping in here to add your wisdom to the gibberish people let me publish on here! 😉
And I agree totally, as we get older there is just so much less pressure for so many things, including performing some version of ourselves we think others want. Ahhh, I love that you've carried this quote or so many years! When I was thinking about writing this all down, the "live the question" came to mind and I was like, yeah, that seems to fit. So I am happy it made sense to someone else!
This is really beautiful. What I hear in it isn’t loss, but arrival of a gentler kind — the kind that comes with aging not seeing as what we no longer have but the opportunities. The mirror changes, yes, but so does the permission: to be quieter inside, more honest outside, less managed, less afraid.
There’s something deeply reassuring in the way you frame becoming as lifelong — not a failure to settle, but a sign of being alive and awake. Aging here doesn’t look like as narrowing. Thank you for writing it ✨
Thank you for reading, Andrew — I appreciate hearing that this one landed for you. Sometimes I feel like I am just stringing words together that make no sense, so this is validating! 💛 And you stating, “less afraid” — this is the part of my life where I feel I am the least afraid, and it’s wonderful!
🤍💫
I have many thoughts about this as my process over time is to become more comfortable with myself and openly authentic. What I think matters. My preferences matter. Like all of us, I still have self doubts--yet I am more confident in myself when that confidence is earned and warranted.
It has been a journey to get here. I am not sure about all of the factors that contribute to being more at peace with yourself, but I don't think it is simply aging. Not everyone shares the same process or "gets here". Rather, it is what you DO while you age that matters. It takes work, I think.
And, on a side note, I wish they didn't call them age spots. There must be a better term. :)
I agree. I think a lot of people don’t realize they can do things. That’s the crux of it. They attach themselves to labels about who they are, and those labels become settled issues. The idea that we can ask questions and sit in a place where we don’t rely on anchoring traits is really what this is about.
As we move through different phases of life, we change. The things around us change, so what’s reflected back to us changes too. Not in some monumental way, or as if we become entirely new people, but hopefully in a way that allows more authenticity to show up. We become more comfortable in our own skin.
There are so many people who don’t even know this is something they can have. And sitting with questions is sometimes the best we have for a particular period of life.
That Rilke quote " live along some distant day into the answer" is something I used with my clients. I hope I still have a distant day to live along into. I think my blessing has been to care less about what the answers are and more about learning to just be here now. Thank you for the reminder.
It's nice to be at a stage where learning to just be here is more important that answers. Thank you for sharing, reading and commenting! What a wonderful quote to use with your clients. Sometimes I forget about the impactful little bit and pieces I might have shared with clients over the years, so it's nice when those reminders come back to us!
The Rilke quote really helped when stuck in “analysis paralysis.”
Once again you share such a pensive truth, Loving ourselves because we finally see the truth of who we always were. Thank you !
😊
Maybe I'm looking at this wrong, but it sounds to me like we will never know who we truly are...?
I have a mean right hook!
(I actually have no idea what that means. 🤭)